Why I find the "strong" narrative problematic.

Not so long ago, I was having a whatsapp conversation with Dr Charlton Tsodzo and it dawned on me why I do not like the word, STRONG. When people say "you're strong", I personally believe IT IS NOT A COMPLIMENT. It is a mere remark. This is because oft times, we do not choose to be strong. It is the only option available to us. My Dad always said, Gloria, please try to live a life where you create choices and options for yourself. All my life thus far, I have tried to create a life abundant with choices. I have not always succeeded. When I do not have a choice, I get very insecure and vulnerable. For me, not having Plan B and Plan C and Plan D, constitutes failure. Therefore, to be strong is not a choice. For me, it constitutes a lack of options and therefore it is failure. It is failure because it is thrust upon you by circumstances beyond your control, so you have to be strong! Words like tough and hardy, fall in the same category. You just have no choice but to be tough and hardy. When people tell you that you're strong, be suspicious of them. It's a form of abandonment. They are saying, because you are strong, "you can take care of yourself, without the burden of us holding your hand". The "strong" narrative is twisted and loaded with innuendo. It is a separating position that says, strong is for people like you, who need to be. Some of us, do not need to be, because we have options. A person I know, once called me strong and to support her statement, she called me "njanji", a Shona word meaning railway line. In her mind, she thought equating my level of perceived strength, to that of a railway line was complimentary. I have never felt so offended in my life. I came out guns blazing🔫 . I do not want that kind of perceived "strength". It makes calculating people, want to run over you, over and over again, doing all sorts of nasty and unsavory things to you, testing that strength, wanting to establish your breaking point. It has happened to me far too many times, that is why I reject that word, strong, with every fibre in my body. I also sense a masked veil of pity, when people refer to you as "strong". I believe, many from amongst us, dislike to be pitied. Indestructible is an affirming word. The word resilient sounds to me more positive than the word strong. The word strong, like its antonym, "weak" is a word loaded with value judgements. It is okay to sometimes be fragile, delicate and vulnerable. When you reach these levels, there is no other way out, except towards the direction of traits like, unbreakable, tenacity, determination, perseverance, relentlessness, courage and chutzpah. Please call me anything else, but strong. I cannot stand that word. It says nothing positive about my state of affairs. It essentially takes options away from me, because most times, when I am so-called strong, I have been frogmarched by circumstances, to be!