ESCAPADES OF A CORPORATE STRATEGIST

I would like to know why a snake bites what it does not eat.

Copyright March 7, 2009 By Gloria Ndoro 

The community I am currently living is beyond any form of description because any type of description can be too simplistic thereby limiting and minimizing who really these people are. For example, men are not allowed to mix with women under whatever circumstances. Yet today, the 7^th March, 2009, I had lunch with a family of 6 men represented by 3 generations, the grandfather, his 4 sons and 1 grand child of about 5 years who was almost fluent English and was the translator of the day.

We sat on a large Persian rug on the floor of their shop in a circle. Afghan “pilaf” rice had been cooked and when I arrived, one of the younger sons was sent to buy, my favorite, Afghani bread. As soon as we the bread arrived, it was nicely laid in the middle and the grandfather, summoned another son to start dishing for everybody.

I was invited yesterday to come for lunch today at 12 noon and I was more than royally late pitching up at 1.15pm. They waited for me. I was embarrassed. They told me not to apologize. They were full of welcome and smiles, I mean really sincere smiles. The boy of 5 then told me that I was welcome as a guest in their quarters and therefore  must relax. The eldest son summoned me to sit after he had effortlessly sat on the floor. I followed suit clumsily sat down on the floor stretching my legs across the middle of the floor when I realized they all had their shoes off and sat in a position where they use the back of their feet as a stool. I attempted with difficulty to try to remove my boots and they politely told me not to. Secretly I was wishing I was as flexible and lean as them.

The grandfather has got three wives and the elder son has got one wife. None of the women were invited to the lunch. I enquired and was told that they were at home. I further inquired who had cooked the rice and was told it was one of the sons of about 19 years.

After, I finally settled myself in a position that was comfortable, I completely relaxed totally oblivious of where I was and that I was the only woman around. Suddenly, it dawned on me that, here I am, having a good time in the company of 6 male family members and looking to celebrating women’s day tomorrow yet there were no Afghani women family members in sight. What contradiction, I thought. How could I feel comfortable in a setting that seemed devoid of normalcy. What was this all about?

I decided not to choke on my delicious meal and started engaging my hosts in conversation.

The reality on the ground in Afghanistan is that, despite many years of concern about the situation of Afghan women, it is only most recently, within the last decade, after indescribable conditions of extreme tragedy, political violence including infrastructure destruction and general economic decline over a period spanning some 30 years, that the situation has propelled Afghanistan and the plight of its women and girls firmly back into the global spotlight. For the past 5 years or so, outside of the setting of the United Nations and of the international community, there is a groundswell of concern, from many internal and external stakeholders including Parliamentarians to First Ladies, from entertainers and media stars to non-governmental organizations, all calling for the full recognition of the rights of women and girls in Afghanistan.

Full recognition of the rights of women and girls is the easy part. What I know the international community is at a loss is how does a woman/girl, who has become aware of their rights execute these rights in an environment characterized by the following:

ü  the general movement of women, is restricted. That a family's social position depends on the public behavior of its female members is a guiding reality. Stepping outside prescribed roles and behavioral norms in public results in moral condemnation and social ostracism. It is the dictates of society that place a burden on both men and women to conform.

ü  Under such circumstances gender roles necessarily follow defined paths. Male prerogatives reside in family economic welfare, politics, and relationships with outsiders; within the family they are expected to be disciplinarians and providers for aged parents. Female roles stress motherhood, child socialization and family nurturing. Even among professional career women, family responsibilities remain a top priority. Thus women's self-perception of their roles, among the majority, urban and rural, contributes to the perpetuation of patriarchal values.

ü  30 years of war have destroyed the infrastructure of the educational system and further increased the illiteracy rate in Afghanistan. Only 5 per cent of women are able to read and write (during the 1980s, the female adult literacy rate was only 8 per cent).

ü  Only 23 per cent of the population has access to safe water, and only 12 per cent have access to adequate sanitation, thereby increasing the incidence of diseases. At least 15,000 Afghans die of tuberculosis every year, of which 64 per cent are women.

ü  Only about 15 per cent of births are attended by trained health workers, with more than 90 per cent of births take place at home. According to UNICEF, the maternal mortality rate in Afghanistan is the second highest in the world, with an estimated 15,000 women dying each year from pregnancy-related causes.

ü  The poor health situation has been aggravated by the lack of basic health services and resources, particularly in rural areas; the strict segregation of medical staff (male health workers are not allowed to touch or treat female workers) and the small number of trained women doctors, nurses and midwives that remained in the country after the rise of the Taliban.

ü  The infant mortality rate is 165 per 1,000; the under five mortality rate is 257 per 1,000, with one in four children in Afghanistan dying before the age of five from preventable diseases.

ü  In a nutshell, Afghan society is very consistent in its attitudes toward the underlying principles of gender. It is the application of these principles that varies from group to group; and there is a wide range of standards set for accepted female behavior, as well as differences in male attitudes toward correct treatment of women. Contradictions arise between traditional customary practices, many of which impinge on the rights of women and are alien to the spirit of Islam, the other functioning canon which emphasizes equality, justice, education and community service for both men and women. http://countrystudies.us/afghanistan/58.htm

ü  In addition, the dictates of Islam are themselves subject to diverse interpretation amongst reformists, Islamists and ultraconservatives. Debates between these groups can be extremely volatile. So it is the interpretation of the dictates of Islam not Islam itself that is the issue particularly where the marginalization of women is concerned.

ü  Most importantly, within the vast store of Afghan folktales covering religion, history and moral values, many reinforce the values governing male and female behavior. They illustrate what can or cannot be done, describe rewards and punishments, and define ideal personality types. Thus they serve to perpetuate the existing gender order and through example make it psychologically satisfying. http://countrystudies.us/afghanistan/58.htm

My lunch was a business lunch. I have been buying rugs from this family business ever since I landed in Afghanistan in January 2009. Buying Persian rugs is a chore, fun chore, liberating and surprising to one-self. When you think you have chosen what you believe are the best rugs, they unfold even better ones and you can easily start again and abandon the earlier process that could have taken you almost half a day. The other Friday (our weekends here are Friday and Saturday as we are an Islamic Republic), I spent half a day in the shop and left without buying anything out of confusion! I needed a break, a fresh start and to clear my head for another week.

So you can imagine, in a country where I have got very few friends and no family, all you do is work day in and day out. So shopping for Persian rugs, the real stuff, is something I look forward to. Its exciting for me. It’s a release. Its like looking forward to a rendezvous with a lover! I have spent hours in this family’s shop so we are like family (without the women present). Their service is unparalleled. They never tire. They will open the shop for you even after they had closed. They will extend the shopping hours for you. And of course, you will gladly leave your hard earned money there. So when there was an invitation for lunch, I could not miss it for anything.

So as we celebrate March 8^th 2009, International Women’s Day, I would like to know, if we the international community’s efforts to end violence against women, to improve their economic participation and to ensure that there is peace with justice in their daily lives and they  access health, education and their human rights under the law is making a difference in a country where I know for sure that I am going to leave before I have even scratched the surface. I would like to know why a snake bites what it does not eat.